How Things Can Change

Written on December 24th, 2018

Little Trans-dimensional Bean,                                    

          Hello and welcome to the universe! I’m your mom and I just found out you existed. You’ve been growing quietly for only a month and now you’re the size of a poppy seed. While this may be barely visible in the grand scheme of things, it is breath taking how giant you are already in my universe. I already bought a bunch of books in hopes I learn a little bit to fill in the space that is my lack of knowledge on parenting, pregnancy, and you. I’m terrified, I’m excited, and I’m already in love. Who knew that it was possible to love something so new, so intangible, so small?

I can’t help dreaming about who you might become, what you might be like. Will you be like your dad; tall with a great sense of humor and a love for knowledge? Or will you be more like me; short and fiery with a love for food? Maybe will you be something else entirely that leaves us breathless, in awe, and full of love. Someone made of galaxies, star fire, and life. Whoever you are, be it with all your being. And if you want to change the world – believe me when I tell you that you’ve already changed it for your dad and I at the size you are now. I can’t even begin to imagine what you will set in motion as you get bigger.

I look forward to helping you grow for the next 8 months. I also can’t wait to meet you in August! I love you Little Tiger. We both do. Yesterday they found ice on mars and today you’re swirling in your own galaxy. Until next time.

Love for always,

Mom

Written on February 8th, 2019

Little T-D,

          You were wanted. You were so very, very wanted. Let me just begin by saying those 10 weeks I held you inside me, those 6 weeks I got to know you and love you, have changed me for ever. I never realized how much love I was capable of giving to someone I hadn't even officially met yet. Your dad loves you too, he was so very excited to be your father. 

         Please always know you were wanted, you were loved, and if there was anything we could have done to save you we would have. 

         Sometimes, life happens and it gives us paths we never would have walked down. I know your heart stopped and you left us after 7 weeks - but my body wanted so much to keep you. We found out at 10 weeks that you were no longer with us in life anymore. Now your little body is gone and our hearts are breaking for you. 

         I hope one day we meet again. That life allows us to cross paths again. Until then, remember that you were wanted. Remember that you are loved. Remember that we will never forget you for the rest of our days.

Loving you always,

Mom